Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Boom tsk Boom tsk Boom tsk

So we called a taxi and went downtown together. Now let me tell you what a bar is generally like around Army bases not near a big city that can support a large audience/demographic of civilians. When it comes to cities that thrive off of the money the military pumps into their small towns this is what you usually get:

1. Don't worry about good music - Looking for that hot club that plays all the latest remixes of your favorite techno song? Keep looking, you are pretty much guaranteed to only here top 40 singles played all night and repeated within the 4 hour time span that the bar is actually full of people. In Gagetown, the closest bars to actually meet females and not fellow army grunts is Fredricton, NB that has a university that stocks the bars with flighty college girls looking to "experiment'. Hence they are generally young and naive to certain trends in music. The music snobs stay home, what's left are the hyper dunces who frequent the bar.
The DJ is furniture at these bars. I've talked with the DJs at both main clubs outside the base and they've both been there 10+ years. not because they are good, but because they take requests and play the typical music drunk kids like.

2. There will be no Deals on drinks - Why? Because there is no competition. Everyone in town goes to the same bars every weekend so you have a guaranteed audience. In business terms there is no difference in clientele no matter what the change. You can only lose business by taking risk here. Therefore drinks will always cost the same because there is no incentive to entice customers.

3. Women do not love a man in a uniform - The biggest myth in the military. Now I'm not saying they hate military guys, but never has my service gotten me laid or anyone I know. The most attractive thing about a military male is the fact he has a steady paycheck. I've seen many men fall into relationships because of this. It usually ends in heart break and/or a costly divorce. Too long have the guys who came before you ruined the reputation for the ones that would come after.

The local university literally tells people in their orientation week to stay away from the military guys.
4. Unbalanced ratio - With an Army base there will always be more men than woman because the combat arms has a higher percentage of young males. The service support trades do bring up the percentage, but those girls surely have boyfriends already in the military because they get hit on everyday. Thus, by the end of the night there is always of large percentage of disappointed males. And this leads to...

5. Increased fights - What else is going to happen when you have a large amount of males fighting for a small amount of females? Now these aren't regular guys, these are a lot of in shape males who feed on aggression and competition. So, at the end of the night the testosterone always spills over into the parking lots and it becomes a fierce dash at 'Last chance for Romance'. Every weekend the police were out in full force to 'encourage people' to come home.

This is what every small town attached to a military base I've been to is like.


  1. lol sounds about right. military guys always start brawls over nothing. quite enjoyable to watch too. they fight and i just have a smoke with some babe then go continue the party at my place

  2. this is why I stopped going to bars near my bases.

    Rather pointless. The quality women avoid military guys and the ones who don't will either get knocked up or they're trying to get with every military guy within a hundred km